Labor & Delivery

My doctors all wanted me to have a scheduled induction so that I did not risk going into labor in the middle of the night and not having all my doctors there when I delivered. And when they found out we were driving from Eatonton to Northside, and hour and a half drive, they did not want to risk having me get stuck in Friday traffic and having my baby on I-20!

So, we scheduled it for January 21st when my favorite midwife was going to be on call. We were going in on the 20th to get things started so I could deliver on the 21st. When the 20th came I freaked out and wanted to back out and wait another week. I wanted to hold on to hope for one more week that it might not be TSC. I was just not ready to face it. But, my dad who rarely speaks his mind told me it would be foolish to wait and I needed to get my butt in there and have the baby. He knew I would not be any more ready a week from then. So, we went. Also, not by chance I believe, a girl in the Atlanta area who had a little 10 month old boy with TSC that was born at Northside called us that day. She wanted to tell us about her son who was told had the worst case of TSC they had seen at Northside. He came out having seizures and had to have a surgery on his brain at 3 weeks old. She told Ben that her son was now with medication seizure free and was doing great. She assured us that he was the greatest gift and such a blessing. Hearing what she had to say and hearing that Kallan could live a somewhat normal life with early intervention gave me some hope and the strength I needed to get to the hospital.

Aimee and Jim were at my parents house in Atlanta and they made a nice big dinner for us before we left. I said goodbye to Kensley, which was so hard. I cried the whole way to the hospital knowing that my sweet Kensley's world as she knew it was going to change and she was going to have to share me. She is my best buddy and I was so worried about her feelings. But, I should have known that she is a lot tougher than I gave her credit for and she handled it all better than I did! She LOVES her baby sister so much! That is such a huge relief to me!

Ok, so we get to the hospital and spent the first night there just preparing for the big day. My nerves went away once I got there. Ben and I just hung out and enjoyed our time together. Until we went to sleep and Ben snored like a mad man all night! Even the nurses were laughing at him! The next morning we got up, I took a shower and they started the pitosin. We were on our way.......we thought. It took me forever to dialate! Aimee (my sister) came to hang out with us and my mom came rushing to the hospital at noon freaking out that she was going to miss it, but little did we know we had all day. We started the induction at 7AM and by 5 PM when my midwife came in to check me I was only 2.5cm. We were starting to get nervous I was going to have to have a c-section. So, thinking we had a lot of time Aimee went to Brian and Laura's to hang out and Ben went to get something to eat. Of course, that is when all the sudden I felt like the baby was coming. The midwife came in and sure enough I was! We were frantic calling Ben and Aimee to tell them they better hurry because I was about to start pushing! They both made it back just and time. It was so special that Aimee got to be there for her birth. She is such an amazing aunt!

Just like with Kensley Ben was in full panic mode. He gets so emotional and nervous! This time was different though. It was not a normal delivery. We had NO idea what to expect when she came out. Would she be having seizures or go into heart failure?? They were both very real possibilities. All of the sudden as I was pushing I had a feeling of calmness and peace come over me. I felt like God was with us in the room that day and I could tell just by looking at Ben he felt it too. We did not even have to say anything to each other. I looked at him and he looked at me and we knew we would be ok no matter what. It was such a spiritual moment for both of us. I pushed for about 30 minutes and then she was here! They handed her to me and I just cried. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I know all moms feel that way, but she really was beautiful!!! And she just looked at me with the sweetest eyes and I fell in love immediately. She was my angel and she is going to be tougher than any of us and teach us all to be better, stronger and more faithful people. I just knew it.

They took her away to clean her up and start doing some tests. Her color was perfect, she was not having any seizures or showing any signs of distress. She was perfect! The NICU doctor told us they were going to take her to Transition in the NICU just to be cautious, but they thought she was doing so great she should be able to spend the night in the room with us. We were so excited! And that was exactly what happened. They did all the basic testing on her and she was doing great. So, a few hours after getting to my room they brought her to me to stay with me that night. They were going to wait until the morning to start all the major testing. It was such a great night! We just stared at her all night and marveled over all beautiful and sweet she was. She was so alert and just stared at us. Early that morning our pediatrician came in to talk to us after looking at her for the first time. He detected a very slight heart murmur, which we knew about but he said she looks great other than that. He seemed to think that if they CAT Scan came back normal then it was probably just an isolated tumor on her heart and it would go away over time and she would be fine. Hearing this got us so excited and totally got our hopes up. We knew better than to get our hopes up, but we did. All our months of worry was gone for the moment and we were enjoying our baby. It was so nice!!

That morning a nurse came and took Kallan away to start her testing. In between tests they would bring her back to us. Around noon my mom called and she was at the hospital with Kensley and on their way up. We were so excited for Kensley to meet Kallan and see how she would react to her. We took Kallan to the nurses and were going to have them bring Kallan in after Kensley spent a few minutes with us. When Ben was taking Kallan to the nurse our phone rang and I answered it. It was Dr. Weiss, the pediatrician, called and this was the moment all started....they had found tumors on her brain in the CAT Scan and needed to do and MRI to learn more. She was going to need to be admitted to the NICU right away and a nurse would be by shortly to get her. I hung up the phone and burst into tears. I had been so strong throughout my pregnancy and held it together, but in this moment I lost it. As soon as Ben walked in he knew what had happened and tried his hardest to console me and help me get it together before Kensley walked in. It was too late, just then Kensley walked in wearing her "big sister" hat and saw me bawling. She immediately started to try to take care of me. It was so incredibly sweet. She kept telling me to lay down and brought me my water. Of course, this made me cry even harder! Then Ben went to get Kallan and brought her in. Kensley loved her from the first moment she laid eyes on her. She jumped up in my lap and hugged her and kissed her. She wanted me to sing to her, but of course I couldn't because I was crying so hard, so she sang to her for me. She sang "Hush Little Baby". We got it on video. I will try to post it. It was the sweetest moment ever. Kensley got to see Kallan for about 5 minutes before a nurse came in to take Kallan away. She told us she would call us when we could go see her again, but it would be a few hours. My mom took Kensley to play with her cousins, so I knew she was happy and did not have to worry about her. That gave me and Ben some time to start processing everything. It was all happening so fast. One minute they said she was going to be fine and then the next she has tumors all over her brain and the TSC diagnosis is confirmed. It was a lot to take in. Over the next week Ben and I went through so many emotions and had a lot of meltdowns. Luckily never at the same time. When he was down I was strong and when I was down he was. It worked out well.

We finally got to go see her in the NICU and she had monitors hooked up to her, so it was hard to hold her. We got to stay there with her and hold and feed her until it was time for her MRI. Then we had to help the nurses hold her down so they could stick a tube down her throat to get a sedative in her. It was awful. After the MRI she had an echocardiogram and an renal ultrasound. Her kidneys are fine and they confirmed she had multiple tumors on her heart. In her first 24 hours of life she had a CAT Scan, MRI, Renal Ultrasound, Cardiogram and two major blood tests. She was so strong though. She never cried and throughout it all had the most peaceful look on her face. That night Ben and I did not get any sleep, so we were going on over 48 hours with no sleep and getting really tired, which did not help our emotional situation at all. Our last day in the hospital they told us we could stay until 11:59 PM. Kallan had to have her EEG that day to test for seizures. It is a 24 hour test and they were having a hard time getting the people there to do the test. Finally they got there and hooked what seemed like hundreds of wires up to her head and then wrapped them in a bandage. It was so hard to watch. All that day we could not hold or feed her. She had to just lay there for 24 hours. She still never cried. Finally at around 10:30 we were beyond tired and becoming emotional basket cases, so we decided to go home and get some sleep. Leaving the hospital without our baby was so hard. They wheeled me down and all the other moms were sitting there holding their babies looking so happy. My arms were empty and my heart was broken.

We got home and Kensley greeting us with a much needed hug and a kiss. She was so excited to have us home. She was so funny because when I was pumping she wanted to help, so she held them on my breast for me. Then she decided she wanted to make some milk for Kallan too, so I pulled the cords out of the pump and let her have a turn! The pictures are great! When we did bring Kallan home the first thing she did was run to the fridge to get Kallan the milk she had made her. Thank God for Kensley to make us laugh and smile during these hard times! It is hard to be sad when she is around.

Ben and I both got some much needed rest that night and woke up feeling refreshed and strong. We both decided we were going to do everything we could to give Kallan the best life possible and no matter what happened we would always have each other and our family. We went to the hospital and got some good news. Kallan was not having any seizures and not even having any electrical impulses that could suggest a seizure could be coming. And she was ready to go home! That was great news! Although we know seizures will probably start eventually we decided to celebrate the little piece of good news we got and enjoy our baby. So, that is what we did!